Missing out

The excitement is building towards the Dublin marathon, and I am beginning to think I have made a big mistake.
While my training was a little erratic for the last few weeks, I almost certainly had done enough to run well in the event, if I had continued with that goal in mind. I would never have gotten to the magic sub 3 standard, but I am thinking that I was as fit, if not fitter, than last year, when I decided not to run the marathon.
Maybe I am just feeling a little left out, and more than a bit jealous of all those who are looking forward to the start line, not to mention the finish line, next Monday morning. I know I have London to look forward to, but that doesn't help my feeling of missing out now.
It's like all your friends are going to the biggest and best party of the year, and you haven't been invited. You can go and look in the window at them all enjoying themselves ( only a runner would call the effort of the final 4 miles of a marathon enjoyment! ), but you are not allowed in.
The buzz of the event, the first few nervous miles, the anticipation as you pass the half way mark, and the fear of the wall at 20 miles, coupled with the elation of crossing the finish line, I have denied myself.
Would the disappointment of being slower than last year eclipse those feelings if it had happened? Should I have been strong enough, and as Gerry Duffy would always say, just be grateful that I "get to" run when others can only dream of it? I think I should have. I think my pride, of not wanting to get a slower time than last year, let me down. For sure, you must put the work in and respect the distance, but of course I could have run it, and by many peoples standards, ran it well.

You can't run every race, and not running this one has taught me another lesson about, well, running!